The Gospel According to Obama

I originally chuckled a bit at this. As I was writing it, though, it became less funny…

From the Gospel According to Obama:

14 For the kingdom of me is as a man travelling into a far country, who considers all his own servants, and counted unto them their goods.

15 And one had five talents, another had two, and another had one; every man had according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey.

16 Then he that had the five talents went and traded with the same, and made himself another five talents.

17 And likewise he that had two, he also gained another two.

18 But he that had one went and digged in the earth, and hid his money.

19 After a long time the lord of those servants cometh, and reckoneth with them.

20 And so he that had five talents came and brought another five talents, saying, I had owned me five talents: behold, I have gained beside them five talents more.

21 His lord said unto him, hmmm, thou greedy and unpatriotic servant: thou hast been stingy over many things, I will make thee ruler over fewer things: suffer thou the wrath of thy lord.

22 He also that had two talents came and said, I had owned me two talents: behold, I have gained two other talents beside them.

23 His lord said unto him, hmmm, thou greedy and unpatriotic servant; thou hast been stingy over many things, I will make thee ruler over fewer things: suffer thou the wrath of thy lord.

24 Then he which had the one talent came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art a wonderful man, bringer of thine light, and giver of great wealth:

25 And I was rapturous, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine.

26 His lord answered and said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord:

27 Thou oughtest therefore to borrow more money from the exchangers, and then at my coming we should all have more.

28 Take therefore the talents from the others, and give it unto him which hath one talent.

29 For unto every one that hath shall be redistributed to, and they shall have great abundance: but from those that have been redistributed from shall be taken away even that which he hath.

30 And cast ye the profitable servants into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.